Sunday, April 8, 2012
I vividly remember Easter last year because I remember trying to make a nice Easter dinner in the meantime of caring for Alice as she was at the peak of her chicken pox. I was struggling to keep a smile on my face, as I knew my load was heavier than I. I love Easter and the message which it brings, but I was overwhelmed and could hardly focus on the one aspect that could alleviate the very burden which I was carrying, the atonement and resurrection. I was aware that Alice was not improving; Tyler and I wondered if her body would be able to pull through—not knowing she had a malfunctioning immune system, but in our hearts knowing something wasn’t right. We were scared, exhausted, and at our ropes end.
I remember finally one night after weeks of no sleep and being scared for our child’s life, I felt I had nothing left to give. I sat on the couch, it was midnight, and Alice was crying out in misery, with raging fevers. I remember Tyler in complete frustration and tears, as he too was feeling desperate and deserted. I started to cry because I knew not what to do. I remember the thoughts pass through my mind, “I’m done…I can’t do this anymore…I don’t want to pray anymore, I don’t want to be nice anymore…I’m just mad.” Afterward I looked at my almost lifeless child on my lap and realized something…if that was the choice that I was really going to make—to be done, so my child would also. I knew at that very moment what I had to do. I begged Heavenly Father to heal her because I knew he could, so in my heart I agreed to press forward with faith, hope, and a willingness to serve Him as He needed me to do.
That night was the first night in almost three weeks that Alice did not have a fever, and she slept soundly the entire night. The next morning there was no evidence of new pox…she was healing. Discovering later what we know now, it was a miricale that she healed. At the time I didn’t understand all the things that may have come from that moment of complete sorrow, but I did understand and always have that God answers prayers.
I look at what has taken place since Easter last year and can hardly believe it. We are so blessed and continue to thank so many of you for coming to our rescue!